becoming sick during a global pandemic.

Coronavirus, lock-down and isolation have all been so tough on everyone, and I can imagine that becoming sick with facial palsy when the world isn’t falling apart is hard enough, but throw a whole global pandemic on top of that and it is pretty horrendous.

There were months on end where I couldn’t have felt more defeated and alone, I’d barely get out of bed, shower or talk to anyone, I would just sleep all day and wake up only when it was time to take one of my many medications. The amount of physical pain I was in with no medical help was unbearable and having to deal with the emotional trauma without my support system around me is something that you don’t fully understand until you’ve been through it yourself. But there have been a few silver linings to this horrendous experience, and in this post I’m going to discuss the peaks and troughs of recovering from FP (facial paralysis) in the middle of a global pandemic. One of the first challenges I faced was not being able to see my doctor the entire time. The day it happened my boyfriend drove me straight to A&E - FP needs to be treated within 72 hours with the right medication to make sure you have the best recovery chances - cut to me getting there, going in on my own, face drooping by the second and having to wait 4 hours before I was seen by someone, I could literally see my eyebrow covering my eye as I was waiting there! However I wasn’t getting annoyed because I knew how much strain the NHS was under with COVID, and to be honest I’ve had longer A&E waits when there wasn’t a global crisis.

Once I was seen however I don’t think I was even examined for longer than 5 minutes, a few questions and tests and I was out the door again with my eye patches - all two of them - along with a prescription for 100 steroid tablets. Looking back at it now this is a part of it that I can’t let go of. Seeing as I was misdiagnosed, I constantly wonder if it was the speediness of my examination that resulted in my misdiagnosis, or was it the fact that Ramsay Hunt is barely known by healthcare professionals - it doesn’t even have it’s own NHS webpage - so I wasn’t given the right meds that would’ve significantly increased my changes of a full recovery. I know I can’t dwell on this otherwise I’ll drive myself insane, but it’s tough to let go of when you’re then left with a mouth that couldn't keep it’s food in there or an eye that won’t close when you try to sleep.

Anyway I was told I had to isolate for three weeks whilst I was on these steroid tablets, I cancelled all my plans and treated myself to some new pjs to make the most of lying on the sofa whilst my face went back to normal. But what I didn’t know was just how painful the next few MONTHS were going to be, as my nerves actually died instead of just not working. My face, head and neck felt like they were constantly on fire, my tongue was covered in blisters - resulting in two more medications - I couldn’t consume anything but water through a straw. I was calling my GP almost everyday for answers, I wasn’t allowed to go into the surgery so it was me sending him photos of all my symptoms which led to a mountain of additional drugs to help clear them up, or simply knock me out so I could at least sleep through the pain. Not being able to see my GP was so frustrating, I would’ve given anything for a healthcare professional to really see how painful it was, and to this day I still don’t know what my GP looks like!

However, when it came to recovering, lockdown actually served me well. There was no pressure to recover quicker, say yes to social plans or rush to get back to the office as we physically weren’t allowed to, which in turn gave my body the time it needed to heal.

But it’s not just the medical side of recovering through COVID that was hard, it was also the emotional strain of having no one around me, I needed my friends and my family now more than ever. I desperately wanted to lean on them, cry on them about what had happened and have support from them in person. I know this is the exact same feeling that so many people experienced during COVID whether they were sick or not, that physical human connection honestly would’ve made the biggest difference.

But even though they couldn’t physically be there, my friends made sure I never felt like I was going through it on my own. The amount of flowers that I was sent, care packages, delicious brownies and cards were the gestures that kept me going, even people that would just regularly drop me a message just to make sure I was doing okay have no idea what they were doing for me. I can’t thank people enough for their generosity and it showed me who my true friends really are.

The third thing that I had to deal with was masks. For months I had to wear an eye patch every single day, so when you combine that with a mask, 75% of your entire face is covered which feels like you’ve got a straight jacket on your head. When I would go out, some people did not care at all! I would have people walking straight into me when I physically couldn’t see where I was going, strangers asking me ‘what’s wrong with my face’ and not being offered a seat on the tube. Having my smear test with a patch and mask on was the oddest experience of my life. My face was so covered up and hidden away which was a BIG contrast to the fact I was lying there with nothing but a paper towel and my socks on from the waist down…

But now we are able to go out without our masks more, I find myself not wanting to take it off, and I think that’s to do with the fact it shields my face and insecurities from others. It’s more of a confidence issue to make sure people can’t see my wonky smile or way I talk, which I know I will get through over time, but I don’t know a life with facial palsy where I don’t have the mask to rely on. Some people are so desperate to not wear one again which is completely fair, but I’m gonna keep mine on a little longer, also I’ve not had a cold in nearly two years now so if it can keep me healthy at the same time what's not to love?!

But my biggest silver lining to all this was Mr Jak Melvin, my amazing boyfriend who took such great care of me every single day for months on end. He went to the pharmacy almost everyday to stock up on eye patches and pain relief, he made all my meals, did all the washing and dishes, took total care of our two house rabbits and he even built a tv cabinet and read the instructions with no help! I always knew he loved and cared about me but I had no idea how much until I saw what he would do to make sure I was okay. His positivity and caring nature is unmatched and going through all of that actually made us stronger as a couple, I’ll always be thankful for him.

(image taken before FP)